Pedometricks

Pedometers looked damned intimidating when I first saw them three years ago at Weight Watchers.    First of all, they cost around $30, and since I was already paying for the self-esteem abuse alleged support group every week,  I never had the extra bucks at a meeting.     Then they made a big deal about figuring out how to measure your stride/step length, and the person doing the measuring did not look like she knew what she was doing.      I passed.    

Yesterday I decided that as part of my  Dr. Oz Can Kiss My Dimpled A$$  HAES / Be Active Whether I Lose A Pound Or Not   campaign,  maybe I could use a pedometer to measure how active I am at the moment for a baseline "reading".      Maybe I'll work towards  the buzzworthy "10,000 steps", maybe I won't, but if I'm wearing a measuring device while I'm noticing how I feel during different activities, I can learn something useful about myself without triggering any of the stupid Voices of Authoritative Judgement in my head.    Part of the problem has always been the unfortunate connotations of (for me, traumatic)  "gym class" that rear up when I think of formally working out.      I have more sucess with either dancing to music, or "doing things"  (I may or may not feel like "walking a mile on the Boardwalk", I'm more motivated to "walk to the supermarket / drugstore / library").   

Fortunately, the Borg-Mart I was visiting had pedometers for under  $8.     Mine came with a thinly disguised commercial  "Fitness Guide" with some intermittently useful information, like the conversion chart from steps to miles.     Determining stride length  was a matter of putting a tape measure flat on the floor and walking over it a few times, randomly stopping and seeing where both sets of toes were.      I averaged out to about 14".    After setting a few modes, I was ready to play with My Shiny New Toy. 

It takes about ten steps to walk from my computer near the apartment door, through my kitchen to the bathroom (which tells you more about my little bed-sit than it does about me).      I turned on a TV music channel and discovered happily that dance steps "count" / register.   I racked up about 425 steps.    As I sat hemming ten minutes later (I'm over 40 and "unfit", what do you want from me?)  my mind was busy listing the distances I normally walk which I could spend the next few days calculating.     Unfortunately, as I sat down at the computer after that, I learned how sensitive the damned thing is when a bump against the table edge wiped out the display and all the data.    The screen was totally blank, like the damned thing was dead.    I broke down crying, feeling overwhelmed with frustration at the injustice of my pitiful little attempt at feeling a little accomplished being demolished like this.

I guess the pedometer wasn't the only sensitive thing in the room   8P

I guess feeling like "No good deed of mine ever goes unpunished" is still a bit of a sore point with me   8P

Fortunately for all concerned,    I was able to resuscitate the damned thing by removing and re-inserting the battery, once I had collected myself.      If the damned thing dies repeatedly, I still have the receipt.   

(Anyone else notice how quickly it went from being "My Shiny New Toy" to being "the damned thing"?)

In other Fat News, Entertainment Tonight has earned my eternal disgust for leaping into the Kevin Smith Kerfuffle (my thanks to lyonessnyc for coining that phrase).     Their thoughtful contribution to the dialogue was to have an alleged obesity doctor "speculate" on exactly how fat Smith is.     This 21st-century pillory attraction was placed near the end of last night's episode, with at least four, count 'em, FOUR teasers full of the worst photos they could find (at the top of the show and before each commercial break, with a FIFTH teaser at the beginning of the segment when the slender (heh) piece aired).    

Entertainment Tonight can also cheerfully Kiss My Dimpled A$$.