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Restarted strength training exercises for abs and arms (singing was beginning to hurt a little again, and we all know how important it is for proper singing to have toned arms). I do like to move around, especially to music, so, as in a few other areas of my life, I find an odd reluctance to start or to persist which perplexes and frustrates me.
Part of it may be weariness about spending so much time working solo. Cooking and eating solo. Performing solo. Traveling solo. Rehearsing solo. (Sensing a theme?) I'm over 40 years old and I've been doing a hell of a lot of things for myself since I was ten. I had a good reason for quarantining myself when I was young and explosive--keeping people out of my line of fire. (I stockpiled the verbal equivalent of WMD's (and a spare ammo dump which I mustered for abusing objects) with a shameful record of use on my family and a peer-group legacy of awkward adolescent silences...) I still have a rotten temper--it's just lost a little explosive force (plus a gradual decrease of "worthy (99.44% inanimate) targets") over time. I've also developed the ability to "speak from the depths of the fever" sometimes--I can get out the words "I'll be okay in a minute" or "Can't talk yet". (Hurting myself on an object (which happens with episodic frequency) still triggers tantrum feelings.)
I'm sensing the need for another Resolution, but not sure yet how to phrase it, about interacting more, with more people, and taking the risk of being in a situation where other people will see me get angry and (hopefully) not be frightened away.
Maybe that phrasing will do.
Part of it may be weariness about spending so much time working solo. Cooking and eating solo. Performing solo. Traveling solo. Rehearsing solo. (Sensing a theme?) I'm over 40 years old and I've been doing a hell of a lot of things for myself since I was ten. I had a good reason for quarantining myself when I was young and explosive--keeping people out of my line of fire. (I stockpiled the verbal equivalent of WMD's (and a spare ammo dump which I mustered for abusing objects) with a shameful record of use on my family and a peer-group legacy of awkward adolescent silences...) I still have a rotten temper--it's just lost a little explosive force (plus a gradual decrease of "worthy (99.44% inanimate) targets") over time. I've also developed the ability to "speak from the depths of the fever" sometimes--I can get out the words "I'll be okay in a minute" or "Can't talk yet". (Hurting myself on an object (which happens with episodic frequency) still triggers tantrum feelings.)
I'm sensing the need for another Resolution, but not sure yet how to phrase it, about interacting more, with more people, and taking the risk of being in a situation where other people will see me get angry and (hopefully) not be frightened away.
Maybe that phrasing will do.
